愿你的道路漫长

“Dear ***,

We know that our relationship shocked you. Now the bigger shock comes ---- You are cordially invited to our wedding on November 2nd at 3:00 pm, in the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Princeton, 50 Cherry Hill Road, Princeton, NJ 08540. We promise that you will have a good time here. :D

Thanks!
Best wishes,
......
”
以上是我给物理二班某位跟我，ex, 还有魔术师都很熟的哥们儿发的婚礼邀请。我和魔术师互相打着酱油认识了七年，毁着很多人的三观相处了一年，然后就决定在一起一辈子了，这听起来多么不靠谱啊。刚在一起时我们多少都有些恐婚症，避而不谈结婚的事；后来觉得既然相处得这么愉快结婚也不错，办婚礼太麻烦了，我们去偷偷领个证再给大家见面发喜糖吧。然而现在我们想要办一个隆重的婚礼，让朋友们都来见证这一天。我们要在众人面前宣誓，交换戒指与吻，并以欢乐颂作为婚礼进行曲来传达幸福和骄傲；杯子里装什么不重要，但一定要有大家举杯欢庆的一刻。

有时我会想，支撑这份感情的基础是什么？我们曾经能滔滔不绝地扯上两三个小时，但那是在两人各自都有所积累后的开闸释放；当积累被释放完之后，交流就变成了日常零星的言谈，各种不着边的话题也变成了每天工作有什么进展或困难，晚饭时吃什么，周末需要买什么，世界某个角落又发生了什么值得吐槽的事。然而这种变化并没有在我们之间制造疏离感，我们都习惯了有对方的生活，每天期待傍晚六点物理楼和化学楼之间的碰面，手拉手去停车场，回家，做饭，仿佛这样的生活已经过了很多年，而且永远不会结束。 过去——我们共有的过去除了给别人讲故事，很少被回忆起；我们各自的过去则像平行时空里与己无关的存在。没有回忆，只有转瞬即逝的生活，致密到足以屏蔽回忆。我想这就是感情最好的根基与养料。如果一份感情当两个人都健在时还需要你不断从记忆库里调出些库存来维持它的生命，那说明它已经枯萎并离腐朽不远了。

虽然美国离婚率过半，但结婚依然是件很严肃的事情，这体现在申请结婚证时需要出场的人（三个，新郎新娘和证明两人自愿结婚的witness）和要交的钱（$28）都比天朝多，结婚证还要在婚礼当天经过牧师签字后方能生效。我们办婚礼的场地和请的牧师都属于Unitarian Church—特意绕开一切和基督教有关的元素，两人的Vow和牧师要宣读的文字都选了最secular的，里面不含God, Bible, Jesus等敏感词。 我不在乎在基督徒朋友们眼中，我们算不算神亲手结合的一对（也许不算）：结婚意味着两个人一起去很远的地方，比起天堂，我更愿意选择卡瓦菲斯笔下的伊萨卡岛:

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
 
Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.
 
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
 
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
 
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean. 

愿我们的道路漫长，充满奇迹，充满发现。
婚礼网站在这里.